Well, before I left work I had e-mailed a great friend and sister in Christ and asked her to continue to pray for me as i have felt heavy hearted over the last few days. I told her that I wasn't sure why and I didn't know what was going on, I just wanted to have the peace and joy back that I had over the weekend! Of course, she said that she had already been praying and would continue to pray for me.
So, then I leave work and start heading to the dr and decided to let my husband know that i was on my way to the dr. He told me that I should have got someone to go with me, so I didn't have to ride by myself. I told him that I would be fine, I have made that drive several times before by myself. Not long after I hung up the phone with him, I get up the road and a FOX crossed right in front of me. I had to slow down a little to let him cross. He wasn't in a hurry or anything. As soon as he crossed and made it to the other side, he just stood on side of the road looking. I was thinking, what a cute little animal that was and he looked so sweet and innocent. I continue on with my trip, talking on the phone and just listening to the radio all the way to dr's office. I wasn't in the dr very long and she said everything looked good. So, then I leave and stop by to pick up something to eat for my husband and his crew at work and myself and then was back on the road.
As I got back on the road and was headed home, my heart was heavier and heavier. I began to just cry. I didn't know why I was crying. All I knew was to talk to God and cry out to him to give me understanding of what was going on and why I was feeling the way I was feeling. I literally just cried out to him and just prayed, and talked, and prayed, and talked some more. At different points in my talk and praying to God, I would just stop and say "I don't even know what to say". Me talking and crying out to him carried on for about 30-40 min of the ride home when God clearly said to me, "Remember the blog that you read the other day called Brain Foxes". I immediately knew exactly what he was talking about and I knew that the Fox that had crossed slowly in front of me was him trying to get my attention and remind me of the "Brain Foxes" that were stealing my peace and joy and leaving me with a heavy heart.
Here is a link to the blog so that you can better understand what i am talking about: Planting of the Lord/ Brain Foxes
It was then when I realized that all of the joy and peace that I had over the weeked started slowly drifting away Tuesday afternoon when my husband and I had a small disagreement. Instead of getting over it and letting it go after he apologized and it was all over and settled, I continued to dwell on it. I continued to dwell on all of the bad parts of the disagreement, on all of the parts that were "his" fault and not mine. That was just the beginning on my heavy heart. Later on that night, one of my best friends asked me if I would like to do something or felt led to do something and I immediately said "NO". She then said, that was your flesh saying no, because you never even gave it any thought. Of course, I was like no, I just can't do that. So she said that she would be praying about it anyway. So, I left and went on home (still dwelling on the disagreement) and went to bed. Wednesday came and some other situation left me thinking about things that didn't even matter and that I had no control over. But my heart was still heavy and the peace and joy was still not coming back. I have had a very busy weekend and week already, so when I went to bed I was extremely tired and knew that I would be out for the night.
Well, little did I know that God had something important to say to me. It was about 1:30 a.m. when I woke up and just laid there in the bed. As the house was silent, I began to hear God speaking to me telling me that he wanted me to do what my friend had asked me to do. He even went as far as telling me what he wanted me to talk about. So, I figured that I would be obedient to God and just do what he wanted me to do. I got to work this morning and opened my e-mail to find a devtion that was sharing of how we are supposed to serve when God calls, even if it is out of our comfort.
As they went on their way, a man said to Jesus, “I will follow you wherever you go.” Jesus said to him, “Foxes have holes, and birds have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lie down and rest.” Luke 9:57-58So, I forward the e-mail to my friend and tell her that I was going to do what she had asked. But to be praying for me because I was very nervous and felt that what God wanted me to share did not even go with the other stuff. All of the thoughts of "I can't do it", "it's not going to be right"......etc. started to ponder my mind.
When I got back to work, I went back and re-read the blog myself and knew that's where all of my heavy heartedness and loss of peace and joy was coming from. God sent me on that trip to the dr by myself, so that I could talk to him and so that he could show me what was stealing my joy and peace! After I realized that God sent that fox in front of me, I immediately began praying that I would stop letting those "brain foxes" creep in and steal my peace and joy. I then just started laughing and thanking God for his "signs" and his teachings and speaking to us. I was so amazed at this, I just laughed and smiled the rest of the way back to work.
So, here I am now to tell you that even though that Fox looked so cute and innocent, they are sneaky and guilty! I am now in understanding of what has been stealing my joy and peace and it's time to start making some changes with my thoughts and thinking. Please be in prayer for me as I take on this major task!!!!